Are nice guys just a Hollywood myth?

I'm impatient and stubborn and sometimes insane. I hate drama (except on tv). I will do almost anything to avoid a confrontation. I'm a terrible liar so I don't do it. I have a terrible temper that only my Mother sets off. I talk to my tv and sometimes to myself. I am obnoxiously loud, especially when I'm drunk. I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm happy and I cry when I laugh too hard. I have an irrational fear of being eaten by sharks. I slam doors when I'm angry. I puke when I am overly upset, stressed or nervous. I am somewhat claustrophobic. I like to go to the park and play on the swings because it helps me to think. I'm not good at relaxing on my own. I have very few secrets. I have an unhealthy love of french fries. I'm terrified of becoming my parents. I'm clumsy and accident prone. I love my job but I'm counting down the years to retirement. I talk about taking over the world but I don't really want that kind of responsibility. It doesn't take much to make me happy--just hold my hand and kiss me goodnight.